Mild, chronic anxiety around food, exercise,
your body and your weight
(not enough to really disrupt your life - just enough to keep you anxious, stressed out,
and feeling bad about your body and yourself)
My body and diet drama began as a child, but it didn't get "serious" until high school. At seventeen, I was hospitalized for anorexia at 80 pounds. By twenty-five, I’d been in treatment 4 more times. During my hospitalizations for anorexia, while they were working on my mommy issues and my daddy issues and “mental state,” they followed a basic “calories in more than calories out equals weight gain” equation for my body. They wouldn’t let me exercise, and they made me eat - a LOT. And of course, I gained weight. (And wasn't very happy about it.)
In college, things got REALLY stressful. I knew how to lose weight - I was really good at it - and I knew what the hospital did to make me gain weight - but how would I be able to follow the magic equation of calories in equals calories out to maintain my weight? It was terrifying because I was afraid of eating too much and gaining weight - but I was also afraid of not eating enough, losing weight and ending up back in the hospital. Somehow I managed to "figure it out" and was able to maintain my weight.
But then in my mid-20s something horrible started happening. I started to gain weight!! I shouldn’t have - I was still making sure my calories in equaled my calories out. So then I began eating less and exercising more. And I still gained weight!! But every time I brought it up to the “professionals” - their response was that I was still in an “eating disorder mindset” or that I had “body dysmorphia.” They basically told me I was crazy and sent me to more therapy.
I tried new diets, new exercise programs, personal trainers and nothing was working - I was still gaining weight. I got all sorts of medical tests done, but it didn’t help. It didn’t seem to matter that I was doing everything the experts were telling me to do, I did not get the results they promised me. And by the time I was 30, I was 200 pounds.
Finally, during one dark night of the soul, I had a choice to make...
To not live - or to live another way.
Along the way I discovered Pilates. For the first time in my life, I felt connected to my body. I felt good in my body. And I knew I needed to do it – forever. I’ve run my own boutique classical, authentic Pilates studio since 2004. And with every session, I witnessed the relationship a client had with his or her body. I discovered that I wasn’t “the only one” with issues (in fact, I was pretty darn sane and healthy!), that no one has a “perfect” body, and that my sessions were as much “Life Coaching” as they were personal training.
At business networking events people would ask me what my “secret” was. They asked me what I ate. They asked me what I did for exercise. I found these types of questions frustrating because I knew that they really didn’t want to hear – or have time for – my answer. They wanted superficial chit chat and I wanted a deeper conversation. So I wrote a book – Happy Calories Don’t Count (neither does unhappy exercise) – and have never looked back. The book was the true beginning of my deepest transformation. By working with clients, teaching classes, and speaking at events I’ve learned to identify and articulate the underlying cultural fallacies that keep us all stuck (eating disorder or not). I’ve learned to refine my message and turn it into a customizable framework that will take you from a state of anxiety and pain around food, exercise and your body into a sense of freedom, peace, joy – AND sustainable health, weight loss and wellbeing. And as I help you heal and transform, I continue to heal and transform myself.